My saxophone now sits in its case- taken out once a week to play duets with an improving, but out-of-tune fifth grader. When I try and play my sweet Isaac either cries because it's loud or because he wants to push the buttons. It's a funny feeling to spend so many years, hours a day, enveloped in something and then suddenly (it feels) not have it at all. As I enjoy the music on my TV, I also feel longing- to be there again on that noisy front row.
I have made choices. My sweet little choices wake me up in the middle of the night and give me sweet, slobby, open mouthed baby kisses. They spill the milk, unroll the toilet paper, and leave small toys, that hurt your feet, strewn down the hall. Yet, as I snuggle my children to sleep, feeling their soft breath and warmth I get an indescribable feeling...of love. I would make the same choices again- in a heartbeat. Holding those tiny hands is the best simple treasure of all.
That being said- who wants to watch my kids an hour a week so I can practice =)?
I love that you're now blogging! I too feel even more of a sense of estrangement from that obsession I once had so many years ago... a love which by association made me two of the best friends I could ever come to know. I haven't pulled the sax out in years... so just know you're living it more than some others. ;)
ReplyDeleteI think we must be living the same life! During the first of each year I do get to play in an orchestra in Logan. I really am grateful for that. But when music as a whole used to take up my every waking moment, it sure seems now, that my kids take up my every waking moment, that I don't do any music anymore. I'm trying to make that better, but it means ignoring my kids for a while...easier said than done, no matter how much I want to!
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best of luck in getting to be YOU a little bit more every day!
Maleia- It sure does seem like a long time ago that we played together! I do smile when I think about the interests you and Greg had when we first met and your current occupation. It's wonderful that you were guided to your current place and lifestyle because it seems to make you guys so happy! Your blog is acutally one the inspired me to start blogging!
ReplyDeleteLaural- You seem to have a much clearer goal in mind for involving music in your life than I do. I think it's great you are going to write music- I'm sure you'll be good. I still need to figure out my goal! Love to read about you and your family in your blog!